Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Off to Boston

2011-06-24T16:23:00.001-04:00

So much to say so little time.
I would like to start blogging again so I'm going to try to give a recap of our Boston adventure to get Ricky's palate surgery done.

Lame Blogger

2010-06-29T14:25:00.003-04:00

I'm sorry I'm so bad about posting here. Life gets busy and Facebook rules. I will try to be better. I have alot to say but no time right now but here are some pictures from our Florida vacation.

Someone liked the beach...can you guess who??

Sponsoring a Child

2010-04-28T10:28:00.003-04:00

If you don't think giving up a cup of coffee at Starbucks will help a child then think again...

$35 dollars a month gave this child the care he needed.

$600 Hundred US Dollars changed this child's life FOREVER.

You can make a difference in a child life. The above picture is of Isaiah before and after. He is the little boy that we are sponsoring in China.

Go Change Shelby's Life. Give 10 dollars, Give 20 dollars. Step up and Do Something!

http://www.lovewithoutboundaries.com/medical_sponsor_child_detail.cfm?child_id=1199&mc_id=101

Ok I'm now off my soap box.

For now...

Picture of Ricky from Chinese New Year Celebration

2010-04-15T09:17:00.001-04:00

Adopting a Cleft Child

2010-02-02T23:40:00.005-05:00

Some people say cleft lip and palate is a minor need. I cringe when people say minor. To me, minor is more like a club foot - you fix it and then hopefully never have to deal with it.

Personally I think it is a medium need that needs our attention on a weekly / yearly basis. I recently posted everything that is involved with adopting our son Ricky. I thought I'd post it here.

Ricky was adopted at 16 months with a repaired bilateral cleft lip and unrepaired bilateral cleft palate - it went through the gum. Each child is different but this is Ricky's plan....

1. Lip repair - sometimes China does these prior to adoption. Ricky's was done in China

2. Palate Repair - we did this at 19 months old. Basically they take tissue from the side of the mouth and transplant it to the roof. This is how it was basically explained to us. We were in the hospital 2 days - some kids are onlyin overnight. Ricky was able to go back to daycare after 2 weeks home. Our surgeon did not limit his diet - some do to just liquids. Some will also insist the child is off the bottle - again ours did not.

3. Ricky has a short palate so he had a z-plasty done at 28 months. Some doctors do a phalengeal flap. Age wise - ranges from 3-6. Some children mayhave nasal speech despite closure of the palate. Z-plasty may be done to extendthe soft palate and decrease nasal escape of speech sounds. A pharyngeal flapinvolves raising a flap of tissue from the back wall of the throat and attachingit to the soft palate. The flap deflects some of the air that used to leak outthe nose. The purpose of the z-plasty or pharyngeal flap procedures is to decrease thehypernasality and nasal emissions evident in speech. Nasal emission and nasality generally occur because a person can not consistently close the opening between the oral and nasal cavity. In such instances there is air coming out the nosewhen talking rapidly or during conversational speech. Nasality and nasal emission of air can be observed by either plugging up the nose while talking orplacing a mirror under the nostrils underneath the nose. Small amounts of air can either be seen or felt coming out the nose.

4.Fistula repairs - Ricky doesn't have this but thought I'd throw this in...After the palate repair is performed the tissues may heal in such a way thatthere is still an abnormal opening, called a fistula. This opening may allowfood to move from the oral to the nasal cavity when eating. It may also allowmore air to pass out of the nose during speech. If there are problems with either eating or speech the fistula will most likely be closed when another procedure is to be done.

5. Nose job -Ricky has no cartilage on the bottom his nose so they will take cartilage from the ear and transplant it to the nose. There is talk that they will do this now at 3 1/2 years old but I have read about kids at 5-6.

6. Most children have their lip repair redone as they grow. Typically around age 5. We are thinking this will be done sooner than later for us because he has muscles in the lip that need to reattached. He might need it done again later when he is a teenager as well.

7. Ricky will have to have an applicance put in the roof of his mouth(not sure of name) in which we will turn daily in order to re-align the top jaw. His teeth on top form a V with the tip of the V being his front teeth basically. It needs to be more U shape. This will be done before the bone graft.

8. Alveolar bone graft - Alveolar cleft repair is a secondary cleftprocedure performed when there is insufficient bone in the area of the alveolar(gum-line) defect. Surgical repair of the defect involves taking bone marrow from the patient's hip and grafting it into the cleft defect in the boneyridge. This procedure offers several advantages: a. Provides bone support forthe permanent teeth. b. Provides stability of the boney segments of the upperjaw. c. Assists in closing oral/nasal fistulas that may be present. The improved bone support for the permanent teeth will enable the orthodontist to align individualteeth in the cleft area. The increased stability of the boney segments will helpthe prosthodontist to replace any missing teeth. More than likely we will not use the Hip bone but a manufactured product. They are currently testing this and by the time Ricky needs this I expect that thisis the way we will go. Age I guess 7 -9. Depends on when baby teeth are lost.

9. Complete Orthondontic work - braces, dental implants. We believe he will need probably 2 dental implants.

10. Oh yeah ear tubes - we have had 3 sets due to the first two not stayingin. Ear tubes were done at other surgeries except for the last set.

11. Weekly speech appointments (now done at preschool), one a month speech at the local cleft clinic, 6 month hearing tests, quarterly craniofacial exams (hopefully this will go down to once a year).

I don't post this to scare you off a cleft child. Our day to day life isn't impacted. He doesn't take special meds or need special care. Communication with him is affected and he gets frustrated if we cannot understand him. Right now, he is not understandable to most people. His teachers and family understand him.

Finally, all cleft children are different. Some might NOT need what Ricky needs. We did not know how much he would need until we got him home and looked under the hood so to speak.

2 Years with Us

2010-01-21T10:52:00.004-05:00

Today is the day that we met Ricky for the first time. Really it was all a blur for me. I think was running on adrenaline. We missed our flight to Hong Kong due to weather so we only had one day in China to prepare. We didn't know how to work our new camera or camcorder. The camera wouldn't take any more pictures because I had it on the wrong setting. Too many pictures not enough space. So I had to erase all the pictures I took on the way to Fuling SWI because I needed pictures of Ricky not the countryside.

Ricky was so much smaller than what we thought he would be. He was 16 1/2 months old but was wearing 9 month clothing. He cried and cried when we met him. We finally pulled out the Cheerios and he became our friend. This was about 10 minutes after meeting him for the first time. He still wasn't happy but at least he wasn't screaming. From what we were told he was moved from foster care to the SWI about a week prior. So he probably went through alot of grieving prior to us getting him.

We had a couple of things surprise us. One - He didn't really grieve - other than that first moment of crying (well more like 10 minutes), he was okay with us. I was expecting alot more grief. I have figured out since then he is a go with the flow type of kid. He reacts okay to change. He does like structure but after a bit - he just goes with it.

Two - He was very very active. He was climbing all over us and seats of the bus on the way back from the orphanage. He wouldn't sit still. This should have been a clue to us! This hasn't changed.

Three - He came to us running. In December we got a report that he was taking a few steps but I really thought China embellished this report. Well this was the one thing that was correct. He was running. Emily and Ricky chased each other in the hallway of the Hotel.

Four - He is a clown. I say that affectionately but this kid likes to make you laugh. It was apparent in China and still is today. Here is my clown then:

and my clown now:

My little baby is growning to a little boy each day. We have grown to love each other. Our love wasn't immediate like some adoptive parents and we had some really huge struggles in attaching to each other (well really me to him). It took Ricky and I over a year (maybe 12-14 months) to bond and it was hard year on me, Bill and Emily. We struggled alot to maintain our family bond.

Our first year home with Ricky represented alot of struggles emotionally. I didn't know if we would survive.

We turned a crucial corner our second year home. We have a lot of laughs, joy and love now in the family. One of my favorite quotes comes from Emily " Who needs TV when we have Ricky".

Emily has taken on the role of big sister quite well and is teaching him all the bad things to do - she says it is her job. She was older than her years before we adopted him but now, she acts like the kid she is suppose to be. Ricky idolizes her and follows her around like a lost puppy. It does get on her nerves at times but that is what little brothers are suppose to do.

Ricky, my son, I love you. There was a time when I didn't think that I would be able to say those words and mean it. But with all my heart, I do. You are a special little boy. I'm very glad that we are your family.

Formula to Fuling SWI

2010-01-08T23:58:00.003-05:00

We made a donation to Ricky's Orphanage. Not a huge amount but again a little goes a long way.
Look at all those boxes.
Look at all those bottles.
Look at those cute little babies!

Additional Blog

2009-12-29T21:46:00.003-05:00

Come join me as we see how little Isaiah (our sponsored child) grows! I hope through pictures you can see how he changes - with a little bit of money it could change a child's life.

Remember the commericals as kids that Sally Struthers did - saying to donate to save a child. Growing up I always wondered if you donated did that money really go to that organization.

With Love Without Boundaries, the dollars you donate do go to help children in need.

A little goes along way....

2009-12-17T10:11:00.002-05:00

With the money I won from my firm's volunteer of the year award, we are sponsoring a baby in China.

It will pay for his lip surgery, 5 months of specialized care in a cleft healing home, and 7 months of foster care.

Meet Isaiah. He is about 7 weeks old and is Henan Province.

Fun at Stone Mountain

2009-12-09T10:03:00.004-05:00

One of the great things that has come out of our adoption is meeting other families that have adopted. Last Sunday, we went to Stone Mountain for their Christmas festival with Nic, Tim, and Zubin. We had a great time! I think Ricky has a secret crush on Nicole as he abandons me when we see each other.

The Little Stinker

2009-11-25T22:33:00.002-05:00

No I'm not talking about Poop..

I'm talking about Ricky.

Ricky is delayed in some cognition areas mostly due to speech. But we are beginning to make strides in these areas because he is finally starting to talk.

For many months, we have been going over colors.

He can sort his colors. We play with different color army men and he will sort them into different stacks.

I have been trying to teach him Red, Blue, Green, Black, White, Yellow.

He finally got it. I have a set of cards that teach colors. He got them right. At first I thought he was just guessing. So then I pulled out a toy that each bug is a different color. He got them right. I think he knows his colors.

The reason for the stinker - he LOVES to give you the wrong answer just to see what reaction he gets. I asked him what color was my jacket - he said Yellow (it was black). He smirked. I raised my eyebrows. He said Black. Then I said what color is Sissy's jacket. He said like Mama - black.

What a stinker!

He does this all the time with animal sounds. Pigs go meow, dogs go oink oink, cats go moo. He laughs hysterically when he does this.

He also now knows his shapes as well - square, circle, triangle, heart, and star!

Oh yeah, one more thing to make him laugh - for some reason he things the word butt (as in your behind) is funny. You say butt and he laughs till he drops on the floor!

Guardian Angel

2009-11-19T22:47:00.003-05:00

I have a small brag about myself. Rarely I brag about myself.

Most of you know I do volunteer work for Love Without Boundaries.
I got an email from an adoption agency - I'm on their list for SN kids that are available. No we are not adopting again.
This email stated that a SN boy age 13 was aging out of the China adoption program. Once you turn 14 you cannot be adopted by Chinese law. Several times this agency tried to find a family. Twice a family said that they would adopt him. Twice it fell through. Now a third family stepped up and gave this boy his dream - a family. They had 4 weeks to complete this adoption. They have to be in China by mid Dec.
This special family was already adopting a SN girl. They got approved for this second adoption.
Except they had no funds to complete this adoption.

I saw he was in our LWB program. Well I sent a email to our medical director who sent an email to LWB board of directors. This family got an LWB grant.

Today I was this boy's guardian angel.

What a feeling.

I can make a difference.

When I started my work with LWB, I wanted to make a difference. My work with LWB is on the admin side - tracking donations. I didn't think I could see the difference I was making.

Well today I saw I can make a difference for children in China.

What a feeling.

My Soccer Star

2009-11-16T11:06:00.005-05:00

I will let the pictures speak for themselves. Click on Picture to see it larger.

Book Review - Don't Call Me Mother

2009-11-06T09:55:00.002-05:00

About a month ago, I sat down and read Elizabeth Elias's personal memoir "Don't Call Me Mother." Don't Call Me Mother is Elizabeth's personal journey of infertility and adoption of two children - a son from a domestic adoption and a daughter from China.

The first words out of my mouth was "Where was the this book when I needed it." I connected in so many ways to Elizabeth's journey through infertility then then through adoption. It was like I was re-living my journey as I read her words. I thought I was alone. Now I know I'm not. I thank Elizabeth for being so honest in feelings and writing them down for all to see. It is hard to admit to yourself and to others that you do not immediately love your adopted child. There is so much guilt involved over not loving your adopted child immediately.

This book is a must read for all potential adoptive parents. I read so much on the attachment issues of child to parent but this is really the first book that really talked from the heart of attachment issues of the parent to the child.

Thank you Elizabeth for letting me know and others know that we are not alone in this journey.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Personal Note:

Thankfully I'm past my post-adoption depression/attachment issues but it still haunts me. I wonder what harm I did to both Ricky and Emily during those the rough first year. I love you both very much and I cannot imagine my world, my life without both of them. Also thanks to the most wonderful husband in the world who rode the storm with me and didn't judge me as a I struggled to get through this.

All It Takes Is One Voice....

2009-10-23T11:41:00.002-04:00

I don't post much about faith and religion because really I believe it is your own personal choice. How you get to God is your road to travel. That said, I will come out and say that Bill and I are an interfaith couple (Bill is Catholic, and I'm Jewish) raising our kids Jewish. Add the interracial mix of our family and it becomes an interesting road.

I don't know if it is because we live in the South, but I feel the contant pressure of Christianity. It is everywhere. I know some Christians will say we are taking God out of everything but I think everyone including myself needs to face the facts that our country is diverse and we need to try to respect all religions. We can learn from everything.

I have become a little less tolerant this pressure. It bothers me that at Emily's school (a public school) that have a Holiday Program (they don't call it Christmas Program) that they sing Silent Night and O'Bethleham. I think Frosty the Snowman is okay. She read a book last year called the Best Christmas Pagaent Ever which had a lot of references to Jesus in it. I kept my mouth shut.

That said, last year, Emily's elementary school PE teacher tried to start an Early PE Club which would start at 7:30 am. The PE Club was suppose to be an exercise club but if you read the pamphlet you sooned learned that the exercise was only a little part of the club - the rest would be talking about Bible and Character Building. There would be prayer. Whose Prayer, Whose Religion - of course the Teacher's. Let's not forgot the healthy breakfast they were serving - Chicken Biscuits.

My silent objections could not be silent anymore. This was a school club sponsored by a school teacher endorsing one religion over another. I took issue with it. It is against the law to have a school endorsement of prayer. I struggled over if I should say something. I didn't want Emily to be singled. We also feared retribution. But I could not live in fear when I felt that this was so wrong.

So I contacted the Principal who would look into the matter. I was the only one who complained about this club. No surprise there - we are probably one of very few non-chrisitian families. The school hemmed and hawed. Not sure what to do. I ended up getting the Anti-Defamation League involved. They wrote a cease letter to the school superintendent. Eventually it was decided that this club would only be a PE club. The club went on and Emily joined and had a great time.

This year, I waited to see what would happen. There are ways to have a religious club in school - it cannot be teacher involved. And at elementary school, it is really hard to have a club without teacher involvement. Another way would to have a local church sponsor the club before school - they would have to pay rent for the facilities. I wanted to see if this club would start up again.

It has but it is still just a PE Club. I cannot believe that one voice stopped this.

One voice, my voice.

My Little Firefighter

2009-10-14T22:48:00.002-04:00

The Vocal Ricky

2009-10-12T13:21:00.002-04:00

Ricky is so much more vocal than he was a month ago.
Not that we understand much he says. I take that back.
Bill and I call it Ricky speak. We can understand some thing in context.

His favorite new phrase - Mama Car?
He also asks Is that Mine? Everytime I put something in the shopping cart - he asks is that Mine???

Oh yeah also Hammmmbaga everytime we pass a McDonalds or Burger King. Kid eats out too much!!

You can do It - Help Change a Life of an Orphan!

2009-10-02T10:02:00.000-04:00

In January 2008, I adopted my son, Ricky from China. Ricky was born with a cleft lip and palate.

In the United States, this is not considered a life threatening medical need. However, in China, babies die from it due to the inability to feed appropriately and high risk of infection.

Luckily Ricky received lip surgery in China when he was 7 months old (most US children receive this surgery within the first 2 months) and is currently thriving at home with us.

I volunteer for an organization called Love Without Boundaries which provides the most loving and compassionate help possible to orphaned and impoverished children in China. We provide humanitarian aid in five key are as: Education, Foster Care, Healing Homes, Medical and Orphanage Assistance.

Currently there is a baby in need of help. Please consider a small donation (any amount is accepted) to help change the life of this little boy:

http://www.lovewithoutboundaries.com/medical_sponsor_child_detail.cfm?child_id=1002&mc_id=101

To see more on what LWB does please visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bBIEF-j7Jc&feature=channel_page

Moving on Up!

2009-09-25T11:18:00.002-04:00

We are moving onto the letter T with Ricky!

He has made so much progress in the last month with his p's and b's that we are now on the T's!!

I'm so proud of him. I cannot imagine how hard it is for him.

Go Ricky!!!!

Long Time Update

2009-08-25T09:19:00.003-04:00

Sorry it has been a while since I have updated. Crazy life we now live.

Emily is back at school - 4th grade. She started on July 30th. Total craziness on that date. She also started back at the Liberty Flames Girls Academy Soccer team. She is on the Under 11 team - she is playing up by one year as she is only 9. She is making some real improvements. We have been taking her to extra foot skills practice every Sunday with her Coach. She absolutely loves Soccer and I hope she keeps it up. Yes mommy wants her to have a scholarship to a college - no pressure Em! Just kidding I just want her to love it.

Ricky is still my little tornado in action. He is in this new phase in which Mommy is his sunshine, his everything. I get the best affection from him. He loves me and I can say I love him too. I took us falling in love together.

Remember I had such a hard time attaching to him. There are still moments in which I still wonder who he is. Things are so much better than what they were a year ago. For us adoption was not all sunshine and roses. It was a process and still very much a process I work on.

For those struggling, please take a look at this article - http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=536. She speaks of everything I went through.

Ricky is starting Preschool on Sept 8th at the local elementary school. The is a special education preschool that focuses on speech. Ricky's speech is very slow to come although we think we are starting to see some minor improvement. I hope preschool puts the lightbulb in his head!

I will leave you with some pictures.

Help Bring Ellis Home

2009-08-01T10:15:00.003-04:00

From one my fabulous ladies from an adoption board I belong to is raising funds to bring home her beautiful daughter Ellis home. There are some wonderful prizes to be won but best of all you will be helping unite a mother with her daughter.

http://bringingellishome.blogspot.com/

In Memphis...

2009-07-25T17:48:00.002-04:00

We didn't get to see Panda's in China (remember it rained cold sleety rain everyday in China). This one was close up and personal. Ricky at the Memphis Children's Museum.

Emmy and Ricky at the entrance to the Zoo. If you are ever in Memphis they have one of the best zoo's.

2009-07-25T17:33:00.002-04:00

Bill took Emily to a Braves game. Look at her hat. She is a Red Sox fan to spite Mommy's Yankees!

At the elementary school playground.

Always moving. Try to catch me!

Who says these slides are for big kids! My little daredevil

Love Without Boundaries

2009-07-07T10:45:00.002-04:00

I proudly volunteer for LWB (http://www.lovewithoutboundaries.com/). I give about 10 hours of my time a week working for the medical team.

It is a truely an inspiring organization. LWB is a virtual foundation, meaning that we have no main office. We have over 150 volunteers, who work off of their home computers. They help us find supporters, write reports to sponsors, arrange surgeries, check on the programs, etc. We have daily communication with our staff in China, through email and skype, and then we make trips to China as well to check on the children’s progress ourselves.

If you are looking to help a child, please consider donating to LWB.

To learn more about LWB, please see this online interview with Amy Eldridge - LWB's founder.

http://renewfixyou.com/archives/195

Here is LWB's blog - http://www.lifeofgiving.blogspot.com/

You can follow them on Twitter - http://twitter.com/chinalwb

Facebook - http://apps.facebook.com/causes/51591

Got to Look BEAUTIFUL FOR MY BIRTHDAY!

2009-06-12T19:55:00.001-04:00

ahh if she only knew what pictures I post of her! She would kill ME!

Happy 9th Birthday Emmy Girl!

2009-06-12T11:30:00.002-04:00

Emily is such a beautiful girl inside and out. Love you lots my baby girl!

Yeah Momma!

2009-06-05T11:24:00.002-04:00

This is what I get greeted to every morning when I go wake up my little monster during the week.

I finally really think we have tipped the over to the good side of the adoption. Just life. It is a new life, a better life because of Ricky.

Something that is not talked about alot but needs more attention is post adoption depression. I wish people would talk about it more as I have learned it is more common.

I had it bad - really bad. I hid it from everyone because this was suppose to be a happy moment in our lives. It was hard not to love a boy who all that wanted was to be loved. There was a lot of guilt and anger.

Eventually I grew to love Ricky. He is something special and I'm lucky to be his mom.

Update on the Kids

2009-05-11T09:04:00.004-04:00

Things have just been really crazy and I cannot seem to catch up on alot of things!

Update on Ricky

Ricky has been with us for almost 16 months. That is a magic number as that is how long he was in China. In some ways it is hard to believe it has been 16 months, in other ways it seems like he has been with us forever.

He is still eating like a horse. He eats more than Emily. Sometimes Bill and I just sit back and wonder where the heck he puts it. He does turn away food when he isn't hungry anymore so we are still just feeding him. He is a whopping 28 lbs. He has grown taller (not sure how much). He is still in the same size diapers that we brought him home in. The kid has not butt. Mostly he is wearing 24 months clothes (32 months old).

As far as attachment to us I think we are now past any concerns that typically come with adopted institutionalized children. Not to say that I'm still not looking for signs. Ricky is a very friendly child - would go to anyone. I was a bit concerned about this. But now, he has definitely shown that is afraid of strangers. His parent of choice is usually me which for me is weird since I was the one who had the most difficult time attaching to him.

He absolutely adores his big sister, Emily. They have the mutual admiration society going on between the them. He mimics everything she does - the good and the bad. He is absolutely the best thing we did for Emily. To see them laugh and play together gives me so much joy - I can cry and sometimes do.

All the struggles were worth it. We still struggle adjusting to our new life. I won't lie - I miss our old life - it was much easier. But I don't regret it at all. In a few years, I suspect we will hopefully be back at easier life - although I suspect Ricky will be keeping us on our toes.

As far as developmentally - motor skill wise he is past his peers. Speech wise - well we are behind. Way behind. I was upset on how slow our progress has been. But we are trying to put this in perspective. Ricky came home not talking, not babbling, not saying anything in Chinese.

He has had 2 surgeries to repair his palate and ear tubes. If we say April 2008 (his first surgery) was ground zero for us. That would make him about 13 months old speech wise. Ricky is babbling ALOT more and trying to talk. It is what it is . We are giving him tools to help him but it is just very slow.

Ricky is going in for surgery on Thursday for another set of tubes in the ears (our 3rd set in year) plus a sedated hearing test. Hopefully we can find out if he has any hearing loss. He hasn't passed a hearing test since being home. He is just below normal.

Update on Emily
Emily is doing well. She is going through some adjustment struggles in having a sibling. Ricky likes to follow her around so I think this is starting to grow on her nerves a bit. She has locked herself in her room on more than one occassion.

Emily passed all her CRCT tests in school which allows her to pass 3rd grade. Passed is probably an understatement. Word has it on the street - she got one of the highest scores in 3rd grade.
She keeps forgetting her agenda at school so I cannot confirm that.

She is excelling at creative writing. Some of the stuff she writes, you would never know she is only 8.

We are finishing up our 1st year in Academy Soccer. We are deciding if we want her to move up with the current set of girls she plays with. They are a year older than she is. I think she gets overshadowed because of her age. She is good for her age but I'm not sure if she that good that she should play up.

Update of Me

At the end of April, I started volunteering for Love withoutBoundaries which is a volunteer organization to help orphans in China. I'm officially the child information coordinator for the medical program. I get to see a lot and it pulls at my heartstrings that there are so many SN children without families. I wish I could adopt them all. Bill would kill me even if I mentioned another one at this stage of our life. So my way of helping is out is helping LWB. If you are looking to support a charity, please look into Love without Boundaries. They are doing some amazing work. It is entirely a volunteer organization.

Bad Blogger

2009-05-02T23:35:00.003-04:00

Wow it has been a while.

So very very busy.

Will update soon.

But I will leave you with a picture..

On its way....

2009-03-05T10:02:00.003-05:00

I created a photobook album using Shutterfly for Ricky's 1st year with us.

I finally got around to sending 2 books to his orphanage in Fuling. One is for the orphanage and one is for his foster parents. I have no idea if his foster parents will get the book. I have heard that it is unlikely as the orphanage doesn't like for us to connect with the foster parents. But I have to try. I have to tell Ricky I tried. On the back of the book, I put our address and name. Right now the books are in China on their way to the orphanage.

There are not many pieces of the Ricky's early life I can put together for him.

We have 7 photos of him - 1 finding ad when he was 4 months old, 3 original referral pictures, 2 update pictures, and one picture I found on the Fuling parent website when he was recoverying from lip surgery. Thats it in 17 months time.

Only time will tell if this works. I want his foster parents to know that he is happy and well cared for.

Snow! Yes Snow! in Atlanta

2009-03-01T17:02:00.003-05:00

Bringing More to Life

2009-02-28T19:10:00.006-05:00

Do you ever feel like you are not doing enough to help others? This has been on my mind lately. I feel like I should be doing something more with my life. My job isn't meaningful - it pays for us to live - but it doesn't give me great joy. I do like my job but I think I need something else - meaningful. When I was a teenager, I volunteered alot for our local hospital. I pulled over 4000 hours of volunteer time. I loved it.

The problem is that I don't have time. Between work, the kids and family life, I barely have time to take a shower.

I have been thinking about ways I can help - start some sort of help for cleft children in China, volunteer at a local hospital or something else. Not sure what or when I will have time. My absolute dream would be go to China and spend time at the Starfish Cleft Home.

In the meantime, we sponsor a little boy at Philip Hayden. His English name is Will. He has a cleft lip and palate just like our Ricky. I wish I could bring him home. Isn't he a cutie? He is just a bit older than Ricky.

I also have donated our White Swan Barbie Doll to Kreuer Family fundraiser so that they can bring their sweet daughter home who also has a cleft lip and palate.

These are just little things I'm doing to give back but there is more to be done.

Priceless

2009-02-05T15:13:00.001-05:00

I was going through some photo's from our vacation.
This has to be one of the best pictures.
Number 1 reason why we adopted. You are looking at it.

Happy Chinese New Year - Gong Xi Fa Cai

2009-01-26T12:01:00.002-05:00

Good Reasons to Celebrate

2009-01-21T14:05:00.002-05:00

Ricky has been with us for 1 year.
I made a photo album of his first year home. Come take a look!
http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8AZMmzRo2asmEP

Wow almost a year a home

2009-01-18T13:28:00.002-05:00

Today we are celebrating with our family, Ricky's arrival to our family. Some families call it Gotcha ya day, we are calling it family day.

This afternoon, the family is coming over to go a local chinese restauarant for Ricky's favorite food - steamed dumplings. We had them last week, and I think I never saw a happier child. Ricky gets very excited about food and does this amazing laugh when he gets good he likes to eat.

Our official family day isn't for a couple of days. I will save pictures and a formal update of Ricky happenings then.

Pictures from the Holiday

2008-12-26T15:13:00.002-05:00

I missed our 11th month anniversary with Ricky. It has been a busy few weeks since his surgery. He is recovery although last night we ended up in the ER with Ricky. We thought we had a bout of bronchitis and with stitches still in his mouth this was not good. Well it was a bad cold but as a precaution they put us back on antibiotics and some heavy duty cough syrup.

He is doing MUCH better today. He enjoyed his day as did Emily.

Santa is in Chongqing China!

2008-12-24T10:20:00.003-05:00

Santa is in Chongqing China!-Ricky's Province

Ho Ho Ho

2008-12-19T19:54:00.002-05:00

I found this outfit at Toys R Us. I couldn't resist.

Update on the Little Man

2008-12-19T19:46:00.002-05:00

Fever is gone! White patches inside of mouth (fungal infection) is going away.

We still are working on eating. We are starting with baby food. We suspect we are going to work on re-learning how to eat. He gags on anything bigger stage 2 babyfood.

Here are some pictures from surgery day. This is presurgery:

Post surgery - notice the nose tube they put in to keep his throat open.

This is what it look liked when it got pulled out. Bill pulled it out of the garbage to get a picture of it. Holy Tube! Look at the size of that thing!

Not doing well

2008-12-17T17:57:00.002-05:00

Ricky is running a fever of 102.3 - started this afternoon.
It has come down but it is of concern. The dr's have switched his antibiotics. If his fever is not contained we have to go to the emergency room which is at Childrens Hospital (45 minutes away). I hope it doesn't come to this as I'm not sure what we will do with Emily.

Please think good thoughts. Fever is down to 100.8 and he just got more tylenol. Hopefully we can keep in check.

Home!

2008-12-12T18:04:00.000-05:00

We got home this afternoon.
He started eating last night - chocolate pudding, chocolate ice cream and applesauce - very little drinking.
He had to get 3 IVs....ummm trying to juggle Ricky in my arms, I ripped out 2. One led to major blood fest - looked like a scene from CSI - blood pools on the floor, blood everywhere. My pants were covered in blood and when I stripped my skin was stained red.
Very little sleep was had by mommy as I had snoring boy sleeping next to me and snoring husband on the couch.
I'm constantly amazed by several things
1) how much he wants me. Wanting mommy is instinctual. Even with the bad times I have had with him, he knows mommy loves him. I have carried him everywhere, held him in many chairs, and rocked him to sleep.
2) how much I do love him. I have to remember this during our struggles.
3) how little kids seem to snap back. We are home and he is about 85% himself.
I had a big episode of crying as I had to remember that when he was in China, he had no one to rock him, to console him, to sleep with him when he had his lip repaired.
I'm home next week with him and he should be back to daycare by the week of Christmas.
Thank you all for holding my hand virtually in this. It definitely helps!

Surgery Tomorrow

2008-12-10T20:50:00.001-05:00

We are packed for our 2 day adventure at the hospital. It is only suppose to be overnight but last time we were in for 2 1/2 days.

Surgery is at 8 am. Not sure how long it lasts - probably an hour or two.

I will try to post an update in the afternoon.

Want to win a Leapster 2?

2008-12-06T10:57:00.001-05:00

Another adoptive mom is giving away a Leapster 2. Visit http://www.goodhappenings.com/

Good Thoughts Please!

2008-12-05T08:33:00.002-05:00

Ricky is scheduled for surgery on Thursday, December 11th.
This is his second surgery for his palate since we had him.
He is getting new ear tubes (as one fell out).
He is also have his back of his palate stitched up - on his last surgery 2-3 stitches opened up in the way back. He needs this closed for speech.
Finally, they are putting in a p-flap in. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharyngeal_flap_surgery

They are suppose to put a very very small one in. The one on wikipedia looks huge.

We are very nervous about breathing issues. But they can always remove it if necessary.

Please say some prayers! Mommy loves you very much Ricky!

Sharing a Post and a Confession

2008-12-01T09:22:00.003-05:00

A friend has written this post. This definitely could be written by me.

Elizabeth you inspire me to write this because you have the courage to do so on your blog.

My confession...

You only want to write about how great the adoption and adjustment is going. Go to all the adoption blogs - rarely anyone talks about it - post adoption depression. All the blogs - they are happy posts, looks how great she/he is adjusting. Heck my blog is this way except for a few lapses where I post truely how I'm feeling.

But behind close doors there is more to the picture. Emily has seen me in ways that I wish I could take back. I have cried myself to sleep wondering what the heck is wrong with me. I asked for this. I wanted this. I chased this dream. I dragged my family across the world for this. I took a baby from his only home he knew.

Then I come home and struggle with my day to day life. I struggle with being a mom to a child that I barely know. I struggle to be a mom to my daughter who I gave birth to. I struggle to be wife to my terrific husband.

Work seems to be my only salvation, my only escape from what I have experienced.

There are days that I don't want to come home. There are days that I say I'm busy so I just don't get home within a reasonable time. There are days I wish I could travel for work so I don't have to be home.

This doesn't mean I don't love Ricky and I don't love our family. I cannot imagine our life without him. He is a joy most of the time. He does make you laugh and he just loves you for you. Watching him and Emily play makes it all worth what we did.

It is just hard and a daily struggle to have good days. I actually think I have had a good week. I'm trying to let go and just enjoy and not be so worried about the little things. I'm trying to make our home happy once again.

But do not think this is easy. It is hard work - at least for me it is.

Thank-you Elizebeth for giving me the courage to really say what is true and what is real.

Brother Sister Love!

2008-11-28T21:45:00.004-05:00

When we first decided to add to our family I was worried about the age difference. There is over 6 years between Emmy and Ricky. They play with each other, love each other, and torment each other just like a brother and sister should do. In fact, when Ricky gets in trouble the first person he usually looks for comfort is his Sissy.

Emmy was an only child for so long, she never really played like a child. We are now seeing fun wild childhood play. As long as no one gets hurt, it makes all the transitional pain worth it.
Ricky idolized his Sissy and Emmy thinks Ricky is so great she often says - who need TV we have Ricky for entertainment.

Happy Turkey Day!

2008-11-28T20:24:00.003-05:00

I think you can say Ricky enjoyed his first turkey experience!

Emily watching her brother. Just look at the love in her face for him.

10 months with Ricky!

2008-11-21T11:55:00.002-05:00

Today marks month 10 with Ricky. Wow where did the time fly. Pretty soon we will be at our 1 year mark. I'm at work so I don't have any updated pictures I will try to post some this weekend.

What is Ricky up to?

Undressing is latest feat. He doesn't like shoes on. Or socks for that matter. They are the first to come off. Bad thing is at daycare he is taking them off 8 times a day. I have tried to tell them they need to punish him but he is their king so they let him do what he wants.

The other day, Bill made the mistake of putting him to bed with his socks on. Usually they get tossed and sometimes lost in the middle of the night. Well I woke him up and noticed only one sock on. I went on to look for the sock tearing about his bed and moving his crib. No sock. After much frustration I gave up. I went to change him into his clothes pulled of the sock to find out that he had the other sock underneath. The little stinker pulled his other sock off and put it on top of the other one.

He can also unzip his pj's. He doesn't like to sleep with blankets so with the colder weather we put him in zip feet pj's. Well the zip is no longer. I found him with it totally unzipped and him trying to get out it.

He is starting to play with his toys. Absolutely loves anything with wheels on it. He also loves books. He turns pages but has no patience for reading to him. I wish that would change.

Speaking wise - well the speech therapist thinks he is making progress. I'm not seeing it but he is trying to say more words. I guess that is progress. This is very slow. Emily didn't really talk till she was almost 2 so I'm not sure why I'm so anxious about it. With Ricky's cleft, I know this will be slow progress. I just hope and pray that as he grows older his speech develops normally so he won't be teased.

We are headed for surgery on Dec 11th - closing the back of the palate (3 stitches opened up in the way back from last surgery), p-flap surgery and new tubes in the ears. The p-flap is what I'm nervous about. First Ricky is young for this surgery. They basically create a flap at the back of his throat to reduce the amount of air going into his nose. Major concern for us is sleep apnea and Ricky has breathing issues when he gets sick.

That's it for now. Stay tune for updated pictures.

Looking at SN? Need Some Help Deciding?

2008-11-18T09:12:00.002-05:00

One of the most daunting tasks when looking at special needs adoptions is deciding on the medical checklist - what to check, what not to check. What is a Yes, No or Maybe. There are not alot of resources at there - all in one spot so this can be time consuming.

Well a special group of ladies has composed the following website.

What a great resource!

Commissioned Watercolor Portrait GIVEAWAY!!!!

2008-11-14T13:21:00.000-05:00

Commissioned Watercolor Portrait GIVEAWAY!!!!

Where Have I Been???

2008-11-11T22:36:00.003-05:00

Sick...

caught from the little devil himself. While down in Florida he had a sinus infection. Well it came back in full force - bronchitis and walking pneumonia last week. We spent over 7 hours in the ER. Not fun. Well all he wanted was his mommy so I spent the days holding him with him coughing in my face...

well....now I got it. He is better. I'm now ill. Dr says it is an upper respiratory infection. I'm having a hard time breathing and have had several asthma attacks. I'm not sure if the dr gave me the right stuff because I'm still not feeling that great.

Ricky's bronchitis episode may put him in jeopardy of not having his Dec surgery. He has to be clear for 6 weeks. We will be at 5 weeks so they are having us come in 2 days prior to surgery for a lung check.

I've got a lot more to say but I'm exhausted.

More Photos from Vacation

2008-11-01T22:02:00.001-04:00

Grandma, Emily and Ricky

Vacation Pictures

2008-11-01T21:52:00.003-04:00

I say vacation. It wasn't a vacation for me. Traveling to someplace with a 2 year for 10 hours in a car is not a vacation. Dealing with the little tornado is not a vacation. Some people are made to be stay at home moms - god bless them. I don't know how they do it. I am very thankful for our wonderful daycare. They do a great job keeping Ricky busy.
Here are some photos...

.

Happy Halloween

2008-11-01T21:42:00.004-04:00

Here are my two little pumpkins...

The Zombie Doctor and Spiderman

Ricky and Emily went trick or treating in a local development near us. Our development - our homes are too far apart for little legs to walk. Ricky did 4 houses. Then we stuck him in the car with a lollipop and he was happy as a clam. Emily did about 15 homes and came home with a bunch of candy.

Ricky's New Best Friend

2008-10-10T11:07:00.014-04:00

In preparing for our 9-10 hour trip to Florida in a couple of weeks, I have been trying to get Ricky to watch TV. He doesn't watch anything for more than 2 minutes. We bought Emily and Ricky each a DVD player for the car. Emily had one but it was ancient.

Well Ricky loves the computer. Loves to watch videos on the computer as well. So last week, I put him on my lap and we watch Elmo videos that were on Sesame Street. He loves Elmo now.

He is now saying Mo Mo for Elmo.

Last night I was getting changed into pj's and he pointed at the computer and said Mo Mo. How cute is that? We watched some ABC Elmo video's together. He was very excited.

His speech is progressing. We can get some very soft P's and B's out of him. he would never say O vowel everything was ma ma. So Elmo has helped in saying Mo Mo. We do hear l's by themselves but not with words really.

He also tells us when he is ready for bed by saying Milk well what sounds like Milk. I understand him. He gets very very excited when we understand what he is trying to say.

He has also picked up a couple of new signs - Help, Please, Thank you, Car, Jacket, and Water

Finally I will have to get a picture of this but Emily always brings a book to read in the car. Well, Ricky who loves to imitate big sister, has started this. He actually carries it under his arm just like she does. Very very cute.

Things are going really well here. We are exhausted all the time but who isn't with an 8 year od and 2 year old.

I will have to do some Emily brags on my next post.

Emily in Action

2008-10-05T21:51:00.001-04:00

Emily is #7 - only pictures of her back.

Some soccer photo's of Emily.

Ricky Photos

2008-10-05T21:42:00.003-04:00

Looking Cool

Being the Rock Star with his cousin Meghan. He wants to the play Guitar Hero!

Picture taken on our 8 month anniversary with Ricky.

Pre-Halloween Photos

2008-10-05T21:38:00.002-04:00

Pencils Needed to Remember 1.5 Million Children

2008-09-25T13:20:00.002-04:00

I usually do no openly solicit for things but I feel like this is an important cause. It is important that we as society do not forgot the Holocaust. The Holocaust happened because people did not respect people's religion, race, and ethnicity. We need to continue to teach our children that no matter what religion, race, or ethnic background you are, you are still a person.

On that note, I am soliciting for donations. Please continue to read below.

Did you know that 1.5 million children died in the Holocaust?

As part of our Temple's rememberence service, we have started a project to collect 1.5 million pencils. We have a hard time understanding the concept of a number that large. To show us how large a number that is, we would like to demonstrate it in collecting pencils.

Pencils for children who never had the chance to grow up and reach their fullest potential.

Please consider donating a box of new pencils.

I will be collecting them until Holocaust Remembrance Day which is April 21st, 2009.

Please email me at pencils4children@yahoo.com and I will send you my address to send the pencils to.

She Scores!

2008-09-15T10:36:00.003-04:00

We spent the weekend afternoon's on the soccer field. Very difficult with an active two year old. He ate his way through the games.

Emily scored her very first academy team goal! Way to go Emmy Girl! Mommy and Daddy were very proud of her. She is learning so much this year.

Ricky was also very excited to see Sissy play on the field. Bill and Emily left the house at 2 pm on Sunday to go watch the A team play. Emily's B team didn't play till 4 pm. So Ricky and I left the house about 3:45 pm. When we got to the field and he saw Sissy on the playing field he immediately got all excited - pointing and yelling. He started to sign Sissy and pointing and clapping. He loves his Big Sister!

Birthday Pictures and an Update on the kids

2008-09-12T20:41:00.006-04:00

Here are some photo's of Ricky's birthday party. It was just a small party with family. He definitely enjoyed his cake as you can see! By the time he was done he needed a bath and his high chair needed a scrubbing.

Emily is doing great. She is number 1 in her class for reading. She has already met her goal and the quarter isn't over yet. I cannot keep up with her and her reading. She is in 3rd grade reading at 6th grade level. This sometimes presents challenges because I have to make sure the books are appropriate for her. She was also voted on by her classmates to be YellowJacket of the Month. Basically students vote for the person who has a good attitude, helps others and does well in school. She is learning about rocks and minerals in science, and Indians in her Focus (advanced placement class). Finally, she has started her academy soccer. She had to try out for this and be accepted based on her skill level. She is probably one of the youngest on her team of under 10 year old girls. Right now there are two teams the A team and B team. Emily is on the B team - it is hard to go from superstar on the rec league to being just good on this team. Emily has to step up her level of skills in this new league. She is having fun and that is what counts. Her last practice we saw some new skills emerge - her coach even came up to her and told her this is what he needs to see out of her.

Ricky is doing good as well. Boy is he a handful. Bill and I are exhausted. He is 100 percent go from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep. We cannot wait for 8 pm to come each day! He is trying to talk his words include

Sit, Hat, Hot, Eat, Socks, Book, Banana, Night Night, Bye bye and Hi. Of course he says these words his own way but I can understand what he means.

We went to the cleft team today. Ricky is headed back for surgery already. The surgeon is being aggressive with him because of his age. Ricky's soft palate (all the way in the back) has opened - we knew this. Plus too much air is getting out of his nose. So they are going to lengthen his palate. Not sure yet when this will be done but we are looking at December.

One year ago...

2008-09-04T16:17:00.001-04:00

we saw this face that changed our lives forever. Happy Referral Day!

Happy 2nd Birthday Ricky!

2008-09-02T08:35:00.002-04:00

Today is Ricky's birthday. We brought in cupcakes for his daycare class to help in celebrate. Officially we will celebrate with the family on Sunday, Sept 7th. We are having a small family birthday party then.

I'm also remembering Ricky's birthmother in China today. I would love for her to know that he is safe, happy, and healthy. I have to think that she is thinking about him around this time of the month.

Hat Fascination

2008-08-28T20:05:00.005-04:00

Our first full day with Ricky in China - he was very fascinated with Bill's hat.

That hasn't changed. See video.

So Busy So Little Time

2008-08-27T12:23:00.003-04:00

Things are going into full swing with the kids. Emily is almost done with her first month of school. Emily is a joy. I cannot believe how much she has grown up - now 8. Seems like yesterday she was my baby. She will always be my baby girl. She has definitely become a young lady. Don't tell her I said this but she like Joe Jonas from the Jonas Brothers. I bought her a teen idol magazine (I couldn't believe they still have Tiger Beat!) and she cut out all the pictures of Joe Jonas.

We are trying to juggle alot of things which in all is more difficult because we now have a second child. A good thing but still a struggle as we learn how to do everything and be everywhere as a family of 4.

There are alot of Ricky anniversaries coming up...

On September 2nd is Ricky's second birthday - his first with us. I think about all he has been through - all the changes and he has seemingly come out a happy and well adjusted child. Heavy in my heart is his birthparents. I cannot help but think they wonder about him. It maybe unspoken but I'm sure they will think about him on this day. I know that they wanted him to have a better life than what they could give him. I wish there was a way I could let them know he is happy and healthy. I have to say we knew going into this that a Chinese adoption would mean no contact with the birthparents but it hard not be able to fill in the missing pieces for Ricky.

On Sept 4th is the one year anniversary of seeing Ricky's picture for the first time. Since we went SN, we didn't get the typical referral picture moment. In the NSN line, you know when it is your turn. You can video tape the call, ask all the appropriate questions etc. With SN, we really didn't know when it would happen, if we would accept the referral - we were very nervous about the whole process. I remember getting a call from Bill saying CCAI called - he let it go to the answering machine at home. Then they tried to call me at work - again I missed the call. I ended up calling them back when I was at work. They told me a little boy needed a mommy. I remember saying a Mommy needs a little boy. They gave me info over the phone and then emailed me everything including pictures. I told myself I wasn't going to open the pictures. I wanted to read the medical first. But when I got the email, the pictures opened up automatically in the email. When I saw his face, I said to myself, he is our boy.

On Sept 7th we are having a small family gathering for Ricky's birthday. He is celebrating it with Grandpa Z as their birthdays are very close together. I hope this day is very special for him. We are also going to our first Asian mentoring playgroup at Emory. We want to expose Ricky to his culture and one of the ways we are doing is by joining a playgroup mentored by Chinese students at Emory College. How neat is that!

Of course I have update photos of the kids but I'm writing this at work so I cannot upload. I got to run - back to work!

Food

2008-08-13T15:32:00.002-04:00

Most of us take the ability to get food for granted.

Unfortunately, Ricky still doesn't understand the concept that he will be fed.

When we got Ricky in China, he weighed a whopping 18 lbs with clothes on. He was almost 17 months old. We were told he weighed that almost 6 months earlier. In my heart, I truly believe they fed him what they could. But he was malnourished when we got him. His belly stuck out - it wasn't baby belly.

That said, the food obsession for Ricky started when we were in China. He ate like there was no tomorrow. I distinctly remember we were at a Pizza Hut in Chongqing and Ricky ate 2 slices of pizza, about 6 meatballs (thank-you Paige's family!), and still wanted more. I never saw a child eat like he did. I was worried so much I placed an email to our International Adoption Dr. for advice. She said just to feed him. If he didn't get sick, let him eat. So we did.

When we got home and took him to the pediatrician (we had him about 3 weeks), he weighed 20 lbs. He gained 2 lbs in our care. We are now up to 25 lbs. This puts us in the 5 - 10% Weight Chart.

He still eats like there is no tomorrow and will often eat like a chipmunk - store all the food in his mouth and continue to pile in until he cannot get more in. We have to encourage him to swallow and show us what is in his mouth before he takes another bite. He eats more than our 8 year daughter Emily. When we are out a restaurant, Ricky will eat the entire time and continue to eat. Towards the end of the meal, we start to put napkins over the food that is left or ask the waitress to remove because he becomes very upset that he still sees food on the table and doesn't get to eat it.

People ask me what Ricky likes to do - my number one answer - EAT.

6 Months Post Adoption

2008-08-10T19:55:00.003-04:00

We had our social worker over for our 6 month post adoption study. China requires a 6 month update and a 12 month update. Ricky was asleep when she arrived so it gave us time to catch up with the social worker. When he woke up he was hungry and ready to perform. Things went well so I guess we are set.

Some new things Ricky can do...

1) Lock Doors. Yes we are very excited about the prospect of being locked out of the house.

2) He can now take the tray off his high chair when he sits in it. I'm pretty sure the manufacturer did not design this to happen.

3) He can buckle his buckle on the high chair. We usually find out he has done this done when we are trying to put him in his high chair.

4) He can put his sandals on his feet. They are velcro and he closes them properly.

He also got his first real haircut on Saturday.

To Someone...

2008-08-06T17:42:00.004-04:00

Because I respect not to name this person...I'm doing this without posting a link. I wasn't going to post this but she has left me no choice....

Just for some background...I posted some comments on a person's blog as anonymous. Should have I done it as anonymous probably not but you know you cannot change what has happened only learn from. That said she took offense to what I said. She asked for me to stop posting on her blog, which I did do. That said she has now left me 3 comments. I went on moderation because of this nut.

1. Yes I used China Doll. I apologize for that. It was meant that you wanted the perfect child not in any other way.

2. I won't apologize for calling you at for saying the sn boys are the least of the least. I still don't think I misinterpreted what you posted. I have a group of 30 plus women who looked at your post. Trust me, it wasn't just me.

3. I won't apologize for calling you at for you saying "It is almost forcing families to adopt a SN child or a boy." I certainly hope the wait doesn't force you you to go in a direction you don't want to go.

4. A week ago, you said you would not post on any of our blogs...I honored your request not to post anything else to your blog. Have I posted a single word to your blog? I think you know that answer. NO. I was prepared to let this go. As of today I have 3 comments from you. You said you wouldn't waste another minute on this (your own words to me) yet you keep coming back to me.

Obviously you cannot even honor your own statement. I wasn't even going to post this post until I got the third comment from you. I was willing to let this all go just as you asked...But YOU won't let this go.

I stand by my words. I'm not ashamed of my words to you.

3rd Grade plus Pictures

2008-08-02T22:49:00.004-04:00

Emily started 3rd grade on July 31st. Yep, school started already. Each year, I take a picture in front of this door. I will have to pull out the years to see how much she has grown. We are going to have a busy year. Emily tried out for the local Academy Under 10 soccer team. She just turned 8 and she was accepted into the program. In order to participate in this league you have to try out. She does get to travel to local soccer clubs which is different than the rec league she was playing. If she sticks with this, she will play in this program for 2 years then move up to the select team. She had to give up dance to do this as we cannot do both. She loves soccer and definitely has a talent for it - I'm biased of course but I think she is very good for her age. Who the heck knows where she got this from as Bill and I both have 2 left feet. She will be practicing 2 nights a week with games on Saturday. I hope she sticks with this as this can lead to many opportunities as she gets older.

Ricky in an outfit given to him by one of my buds on the the best adoption board out there. It is great outfit!

Ricky just loves his big sister. Most days start with Ricky signing Emily and going over and cliimbing into her a lap and getting a hug. He imitates everything she does and they have a great time playing together. You would think the age difference would make a difference. It definitely doesn't at least at this point. She loves to play with him and him with her. It is very cute to see them play and it is terrific to here them both laughing at the same time.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

2008-07-28T09:34:00.003-04:00

Life is good. I just love my little guy. He is a handful, much more than what I expected him to be. I can tell he is going to keep us on our toes. I also hope not too many emergency room visits. He is fearless and I hope he doesn't break anything in his escapades.

I wish we could go adopt another baby. shhh....
Bill would kill me if I brought that up.
We are done but still a little girl would be nice......

I have some updated pictures I will post later tonight!

First He blows, Now He Sucks!

2008-07-26T19:54:00.002-04:00

I'm talking about a straw.
We found out today that the little one can suck liquid up a straw. Not perfect but it is start. He still thinks he needs to chew on things he drinks because that is the way he has gotten things out of bottles and sippy cups.
I'm amazed at his progress...blowing and now sucking...all milestones in the cleft palate world. I'm not sure if he nows how he is doing it but it is still progress.

We are also getting some words from him that I can understand. You might not know what he is saying but we now can say...

Hot
Out
Up - sounds like uuuhhhhp (very little p action)
Nigh Nigh - for night night
it - for sit

6 Month Anniversary!

2008-07-21T14:46:00.001-04:00

Pucker Up!

2008-07-09T20:54:00.001-04:00

Ricky can blow on flute and make noise! This is progress for a cleft palate child.

Ricky's Latest Trick

2008-07-06T20:42:00.001-04:00

Happy 4th of July!

2008-07-04T21:03:00.004-04:00

I'm trying my hand at digital scrapbooking. This was done using some free software at Scrapbook Flair. Designs are freebies from Designer Debbie and Laura available in ScrapbookFlair Designer Collections at www.ScrapbookFlair.com

Many Faces of Ricky

2008-06-30T20:26:00.001-04:00

5 months with us...

2008-06-25T08:38:00.002-04:00

Ricky has now known us for 5 months. I believe we have come a long way with our bonding. He is truly a joy. I can look back at my journaling and I had such a rough time at the beginning. I never thought I would be where I am today with him. So for those who are going through this now or will be going through the bonding in the near future - it does get better. It is worth all the tears and agony I went through. I cannot fathom our life without him. Things are different for the family and we are still sort of struggling with our schedules and enough time for everything but we are working on it.

Bill and I are in constant amazement on what a clown he is. I say it with love that he is a clown.

As far as his strep and palate. I think the new antibiotics are working. Hopefully we will knock this out. We took him to see Dr. Burstein yesterday - our craniofacial guy. His palate looks really really good - that are his words. He also checked for fistulas - nothing. So all we have is a small opening in the back - not an issue. Nothing is infected, nothing is ripping open.

As far as speech not much progress - he is babbling alot... I cannot get him to do a B on a consistent manner. Just m's. He did say Mama to me. So I will count that as his first word.

I will try to get some updated pictures this weekend.

Strep

2008-06-17T14:26:00.002-04:00

Well Ricky has strep. Normally in a non-cleft child this wouldn't be a big deal.
Ricky was on Omnicef to get rid of Sinus Infection. We were on week 3 of the prescription. We were doing better. Bill and I thought we finally got this under control. Well nope!
On the drug that is suppose to treat strep, Ricky got strep.

Ricky's palate didn't close all the way. He has an opening way in the back. We knew it, the surgeon knew it - told us not to worry. Well now he may have strep up the opening. Which isn't good. It can deteoriate the palate closing - meaning like a zipper effect it can open. We are now on super duper meds plus we have to see the plastic surgeon next week.

This kiddo cannot catch a break.

Ricky's Laugh

2008-06-16T22:25:00.002-04:00

This is my first attempt of a video off our camera. I wasn't really interested in the picture but the voice to capture Ricky's laugh so excuse the lack of quality picture. You will see Ricky sign more after some tickling!

Who is this Masked Man???

2008-06-15T21:45:00.001-04:00

Is this our new superhero?!?!?!

Happy Late Birthday to Emily

2008-06-15T21:36:00.002-04:00

Emily turned 8 on Thursday. I haven't really had a chance to post because this week has been crazy. Emily's dance recital was last night - We had practice the night before her birthday. I'm very proud of Emily - she did a terrific job at her recital. It was a very long night. We were there from 3pm to 11 pm.

I cannot believe my little baby turned 8. I can remember her birth like it was yesterday.

Here are some pictures of her recital plus some from her family birthday party which was today.

Happy Kid!

2008-06-15T21:21:00.006-04:00

Ricky's personality for the most part is happy, silly, crazy, and funny. I don't remember Emily being this amusing. I think Ricky is a clown. We saw peaks of this in China. He loved to run around with Bill's hat on so he couldn't even see. This picture is from China the second day we had him.

He tends to make toys out of things. Shoes, hats, paper etc. become his toys. His books right now are his skateboard across the kitchen tile floor.

Ricky also has the best laugh. I'm going to have to video tape it. It will make an unhappy person laugh.

Here are some more pictures of the little man...

Updated Photos

2008-06-07T12:17:00.001-04:00

Hearing Update

2008-05-30T21:43:00.005-04:00

Well Ricky flunked the hearing test today. This was his first test post ear tubes.
There were some positive signs...

1) No fluid in the ears
2) No infection
3) Hearing did improve from pre-tube hearing test.

Do we need to worry yet? They are telling me not yet. His ears can still be adjusting to the tubes. It could be a structural defect or it could be a permanent hearing loss. I'm not going to worry about it for now because I know he can hear. If it is a hearing loss, I think it is minor. Hopefully it won't affect his speech. It is hard to test kids at this age.

We go back in three months for another test.

We also talked to them about Ricky's constant sinus issues. Well they said we need to be on antibiotics for 3 weeks (not the two we were doing). So we have started another round of antibiotics. This kiddo has been on them more than he has been off them. We also are trying Nasonex (sp?). Hopefully this will clear up the constant gunk and coughing we have experienced since we have had him.

I will try to post some updated pictures this weekend!

Just Beautiful!

2008-05-30T21:23:00.004-04:00

When Emily was a baby, I had someone do a pencil portrait. Here is a snapshot of it.

This picture was taken of Emily just after her Grandma Pat (Bill's mom) died. I always look at it and reminds me of Pat because I think Emily is looking up to heaven.

I always knew when we had a second child I would want another pencil portrait. I just didn't know who would do it. Well I found the perfect person - a fellow adoptive mom, Maia, to be (she is adopting a beautiful baby girl with cl/cp) who happens to be an wonderful illustrator. We just got Ricky's picture. It is beautiful and captures him perfectly.

We just now need to get it framed! This is a picture of the portrait that Maia sent us.

A Snapshot

2008-05-25T23:31:00.004-04:00

I found a website that will analyze your blog and give you a snapshot of your words that you have used on your website or blog. So here is mine. Thank -god I didn't do this when we were waiting. I would hate to see all the negativity there.

For your own picture go to http://www.snapshirts.com/custom.php?sid=uji0n3j7fchdb9ep1a1s5ifgj6

So Sad....

2008-05-16T22:52:00.002-04:00

I have been wanting to write about the earthquake in China but it is just soooo sad. NPR has probably some of the "best" pictures. I hate to write best but it definitely puts into perspective. In addition in the NPR diary of Chengdu there is a radio broadcast of the news reporter joining a mom and dad to find their 2 year old son who was with his grandparents. Not a happy ending.

The epicenter was in Sichuan Province. Ricky is from Chongqing. Chongqing use to be part of Sichuan then it broke off. A few hundred miles. So this does hit close to home for us. Ricky's orphanage Fuling was damaged. I'm told it is their new building - no children were in it yet.

I know that Ricky will never know his birthparents. There is no information. But now I feel like there might be another layer of his heritage gone. Where were they from? His birthparents could have very traveled very far from their home so that they couldn't be traced. They could have been from Sichuan Province.

It is just sad.

What can I do...

Well we have donated to Half the Sky (www.halfthesky.org). They work directly with orphanages. There will be new orphans plus parents without children. I sincerely hope that these new orphans and grieving parents find peace and the strength to get through this.

Hope, Faith and Love

2008-05-01T14:48:00.004-04:00

These three words: Hope, Faith and Love have gotten me through the toughest time probably in my life.

Everyone writes about the joy of adoption. How wonderful it is. I'm here to tell you it is hard. Adoption is not for the faint of heart. It is truely the wildest roller coaster ride I have been on. Waiting for a child from China is a long process that is just getting longer for the people that are waiting. You get your hopes for a speed up of referrals but it is looking like people who were logged in when we were originally logged in (9/11/06) are going to be waiting over 3 plus years. Could be 4 years. Reasons behind the slowdown vary to : slowdown due to Olympics, China doesn't want to be seen as the number one exporter of babies, less babies available etc.... I can tell you what we saw at Fuling SWI - hardly any babies. Maybe they are in foster care like Ricky but there were certainly not alot of babies. Families before us have visited the orhanage and got pictures of many babies. We saw 3-5 babies. I truly feel for those waiting. My heart aches for you. Bill and I were trying for over 5 years to have baby before Ricky came into our lives. Before that we tried over 3 years for Emily.

I know alot of people go to China for a non-special need baby girl. In fact they request it. We didn't request a gender on our petition. We just wanted a baby.

For those waiting and able to, maybe consider a special need child. Maybe consider a boy. I know not all are able to switch to SN but if the option is available to you maybe consider a boy. At our agency someone waiting 3 weeks for match for a boy with Ricky's special need - cl/cp. Yes 3 weeks for boy. We are seen matches as young as 7-10 months old with cl/cp. That is very young. CL/CP is not an easy special need by any means but it isn't life threatening. Ricky will have an addition 3-5 surgeries in his childhood, speech therapy and orthodontic work. Please consider a boy if you can.

Back to Hope, Faith and Love....

Hope - Hope is what I described the whole process. I hoped for a baby. I hoped for healthy child. I hoped that the child would fit into our lives. It has been hard to adjust to having a baby in our lives again. But I can tell you Ricky fits into our lives. He is a very a special boy with the most amazing smile that lights up a room and changes your bad mood to a good one.

Faith - Adoption is a leap of faith. It doesn't matter what religion you are or not. You have to have some sort of faith to know that this is the right step. You have to faith that things will work out.

Love - Without the Love of my husband and family, I would have never been able to do this.

I speak of hard times. When we came home with Ricky, I experienced a level of Post Adoption Depression. It was really hard to think that I didn't love this little boy. He didn't ask for a family, we asked for him. Well through Hope, Faith and Love I can say that things have now turned around for me. I love this little boy that I call my son. Sure I get frustrated at things but I am in a much better place today than I was 3 months ago. So if you are just home, please know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Your light might be a month, two months, three months away but it is there. It is a lot of work to get out of that tunnel and stay out of the tunnel.

Dollywood Photos April 2008

2008-04-29T21:30:00.001-04:00

No Holes!!!!

2008-04-29T14:55:00.002-04:00

Not sure how he even could see in there but Dr. Burstein did a peek a boo into Ricky's mouth.
No holes!!! He did tear a stitch out near his uvula. The uvula is the thing-a-ma-gig that hangs down in the back of your mouth. Ricky wasn't born with one so they "re-create" one. Well his is now a little deformed due the losing the stitch but the doc said he could fix at the next surgery.

Yes I said next surgery. We don't know when it will be. It all depends on his speech. We need to get Ricky to start talking now. That way they can evalauate the length of his palate. They might need to lengthen the palate so then he will need surgery sooner than later.

Ricky starts speech therapy next week with a local speech therapist (covered by babies cannot wait program here in Georgia). We are also going to call Scottish Rite and get him started there with Dr. Riski. So we are going to go double dose with him. Hopefully we will see some improvement. Ricky is already doing some L sounds we didn't hear before. He is babbling more so I think we are going to see some improvement with additional help.

Plastic Surgeon Appt Tomorrow

2008-04-28T20:57:00.002-04:00

Please say a pray for no holes in the palate. I cannot see any but I'm not the expert and I don't know what I'm looking at.

Ricky is back to normal for the most part. He is a bit clingy and tempermental.
He is finally sleeping through the night again! Hip Hip Horray!!

Three Months With Us

2008-04-22T09:46:00.003-04:00

Ricky has been with us for three months. Hard to believe. It seems like a lot longer. Life has definitely changed. Mostly for the better - I still miss the old life but it does give me great joy to see Ricky and Emily interact. Emily having a brother..a sibling... is probably the best thing we did for her. She is growing as a person as she is learning on how to share and adjust to a sibling.

As far as Ricky, I think we may have turned a corner in his recovery. He is now off the codeine (well except for a dose late last night). He is only on Tylenol and his mouth doesn't seem to bothering him as much. He ate 5 mini pancakes for breakfast and had some milk. This was a good breakfast for him. Last night he also ate a good dinner so we are seeing improvement.

Now we just need to work on the sleep AGAIN. Boy, bill and I are both very tired. He is waking up 1-2 times a night. He went to bed around 9:30 pm, woke up at 12:30 am, then again at 6:00 am, then finally for the day at 7:15 am. So he did give us at least several hours in the middle of the night - an improvement. unfortunately for me, I have a hard time falling asleep after being woken up. I didnt get to sleep until almost 2 am.

I will try to post some updated photos later. I have to get them off the camera. Blogger is also having issues uploading photos.

Tough Kiddo

2008-04-21T10:20:00.003-04:00

This surgery recovery has been hard. More than what I expected. Ricky was such a go with the flow kind of baby I thought he would go with the flow. Well we got a peek inside of his mouth to see the repair work.

1. His gums - his cleft went to the gum. He had two small gaps on each side of his front teeth. Well now he is sewn up there.

2. Stitches in the middle of his palate.

4. Packing on each side of his mouth. For those who don't know, how they fix the cleft palate is that they basically remove the skin off the palate - what is there basically and they shift it to the middle to close the whole. The sides are left raw since tissue will go back there - they place dissolveable packing there with several stitches.

No wonder why this kiddo is in pain eh? Well Thursday we really hit rock bottom. One word to those who are following with children still needing the repair - STAY ON SCHEDULE. Okay more than one word but stay on schedule with Tylenol with Codeine. We were going with the way Ricky was acting not on schedule. Well he was fine so we didn't give him medicine. Well then it hit him and it took hours, long hours to get him back to feeling okay. We ended up having to syringe force feed fluids into him because he wouldn't eat or drink.

Eating and Drinking really isn't normal. Ricky was a pig about eating. Well he has definitely slowed down. He just have no real interest in eating unless it what his Sissy is eating. Oh yeah, we have gotten his addicted to Diet Coke. He wasn't drinking at all but shown interest in Daddy's coke. So we got desperate. Yes he drank Diet Coke. Now when he sees a can he gets all excited. We are weaning him off.

Ricky has also become the Velcro baby. Those familar with adoption know that sometimes when you get home from China - the baby doesn't want to be put down because he/she is anxiously attached to you. Ricky was never really this way. He liked to be held but was much more independent. Well I think he has finally figured out we are Mommy and Daddy. He is very much a Velcro baby. We are trying to accomodate him but also try to teach him his independence. He does like to sleep on us now - never did before. He also comes for us to comfort - never did before.

Sleep is another issue. Ricky was pretty good about sleep. It did take the first month home to really get him to sleep through the night. Well now we are up 2-3 times a night. We are very very tired. Hopefully this regression will go away as he starts to feel better.

We are home from Surgery

2008-04-16T17:40:00.003-04:00

Sorry I couldn't post an update. Childrens Hospital blocks blogspot. I forgot how to email the blog.

The Fast Facts

1. Ricky didn't have anything to eat since 7:30 pm the night before. He did great. Didn't even ask for food. Surgery was scheduled for 9:20.

2. They did take us on time!

3. Surprise to us, they didn't knock him out before taking him away from us. They gave him a sedative but he wasn't knocked out yet. He went with no problems. Mommy cried though.

4. Procedure was done within 1 hour. Wow a quick job! Ear tubes, gum reconstruction and palate repair.

5. Thank god for Childrens Hospital of Atlanta - it was a wonderful experience - well as best as can be expected. They definitely made it easier.

6. 4 hands are better than 2. Bill was going to go home that evening to take care of Emily. Well after reading the Straights blog I told Bill he be better stay. Thank God. Ricky had a tough 2 days. Didn't want to be let down. We always had to hold him even when sleeping.

7. No drinking from Ricky led us to another night in the hospital. On Tuesday he started to eat, I cried. Still no real drinking. We think his gums are bothering him. Dr. visited us and told us we could go in the am if he is eating.

8. Ricky ran laps Tuesday afternoon around the nurses station.

9. Let's pray for a good night of sleep for all - Ricky in crib and Mommy/Daddy in bed.

Surgery on Monday April 14th

2008-04-10T21:39:00.003-04:00

Ricky is having surgery on the 14th - not sure of the time yet.

Please think of him on Monday as he goes through this.

Please think of him as he will have a great deal of pain for the first couple of day.

Please think of me as I will need all the patience in the world to get through the next couple of weeks.

I have had a tough couple of months bonding. I think we have started to make some serious improvements in the last week. I hope we continue to strengthen our bond. I hope this surgery doesn't set us back.

Billy Goat

2008-04-02T18:13:00.002-04:00

Ricky seems to have taken a liking to leaves. He ate one and got it stuck in his open palate. Yes a leaf.

We didn't know...

He has sinus issues for the past two weeks. We took him to the dr two weeks ago and she gave us some medicine. It was getting better then all of sudden it got worse - cough and fever.

Took him to the pediatrician. She said his nose stunk plus she could see something black. She couldn't get it out.

Off to the ENT.

This was a first for the ENT - they got it out and was very surprised to see a leaf. He goes down in the record books.

Here is a picture of the leaf. We suspect it has been there over a week.

New Pictures of Ricky

2008-03-30T20:48:00.001-04:00

2 months of Ricky!

2008-03-20T19:58:00.005-04:00

2 months ago tomorrow, Ricky came into our lives. Here is picure from our first night together.

In the last 2 months, Ricky has gained almost 5 lbs. He knows 6-8 signs to communicate with us. He knows his mommy, daddy, sister and doggy. He loves both sets of grandma's and grandpa's. He definitely knows the word No. He can follow some commands for example the new one - we wipe his nose with a tissue. I can tell him to put it in the garbage and he understands. I can tell him to put some blocks in his tonka truck and he understands. He understands alot of English words. I have not counted - most of the understanding is in context of what we are doing.

We still have night terrors but they are not bad. He wakes up screaming and we can now put him back down and he will typically fall back to sleep. He loves to play with his sister, Emily. Wrestling is a new sport in our house.

Here is some recent photo's of the little man....

Bad Mommy

2008-03-14T20:55:00.002-04:00

Sorry I have been really bad about updating everyone. I got really sick when we got home from China. Started out as a stomach virus then moved to a chest cold then I got the flu. A really bad strain of the flu. I had a fever for over 3 weeks. Finally the doc prescribed some strong antibiotics and I think I have kicked it. They think I brought something back from China. What I'm left with is a body that is very sore and I feel like I'm a walking sponge. The doc said it could take 2-4 weeks to get my strength back. Just walking around the supermarket is a strain.

It has been a rough time. Not at all what I have imagined. I guess I built this adoption up to be the greatest thing. Not that Ricky isn't great but there is certain let down when things don't go exactly as planned. During this illness, we lost our dog Shelby. She passed away after being with us for over 13 years. She was my first baby. I miss her very much and still expect her to be next to me. She slept on the side of my bed. We still have Stitch the pug. Stitch has been great with Ricky.

Ricky is doing well. He is very attached to all of us and knows that we are his family. He is smart stubborn little boy. We have been teaching him sign language. He now knows: more, eat, milk, cracker, mama, dada, and baby. We are working on banana, cookie and dog. Not bad considering we only started this about 3 weeks ago. He is understanding converstations in context of things. If we are playing ball, and I can tell him to go get the ball. However, if I say ball without the playing he really doesn't understand it. Cognitively they are telling me he is around 9-12 months old. This is really to be expected so this doesn't shock me.

We have made some improvement in playing. He plays with his Leap Frog activity table and loves the ABC song. He is starting to react to music.

We go for our formal speech and occupational assessment by the state on Tuesday. This will tell us definitely if he qualifies for therapy. There is no doubt on the speech he qualifies.

We also met with the Craniofacial Team at Scottish Rite. We have scheduled Ricky's surgery for April 14th. We are also trying to arrange to get him ear tubes done at the same time. Ricky has some mild hearing loss which is also to be expected with the cleft.

As for me, this adjustment has been rough. Has it gotten better? yes. Do I feel like Ricky is my son and no longer someone I'm just babysitting? yes - most of the time. I really wish that love was instantenous. I felt bad that it wasn't. You know I was "in love" with his picture but I now realize I didn't love him at the time of referral. I have struggled with this fact that love didn't come right away. No one prepares you for this. For some, it comes right away, for others it grows. I guess I'm the growing type. Bill wasn't "in love" with his picture but I really think he had love at first sight.

For the last month I have struggled with my feelings. Why did we do this? How could I have changed our family dynamics? I did this and I don't love Ricky. I felt quite guilty and depressed over this. I'm a mother. A mother loves. Ricky didn't ask for this. He deserves so much better than what I was giving. I thought I was prepared. I read books on attachment and I read blog after blog. What is interesting is no one mentions this but I have been contacted by many who have felt the same way. It is like a silent society that exists. We are too ashamed to admit that we don't love the ones that we adopt right away. Combine this with illness, jet lag and everyday normal life - you can get quite depressed.

I am happy to say that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. I can see that I'm growing to love Ricky just as he is growing to love us as his family. He is a very sweet and funny little boy who is my son. I cannot imagine our life without him. Our life certainly isn't easier but it is definitely better because of him.