Off to Boston

So much to say so little time.
I would like to start blogging again so I'm going to try to give a recap of our Boston adventure to get Ricky's palate surgery done.

Lame Blogger

I'm sorry I'm so bad about posting here. Life gets busy and Facebook rules. I will try to be better. I have alot to say but no time right now but here are some pictures from our Florida vacation.

Someone liked the beach...can you guess who??

Sponsoring a Child

If you don't think giving up a cup of coffee at Starbucks will help a child then think again...

$35 dollars a month gave this child the care he needed.

$600 Hundred US Dollars changed this child's life FOREVER.

You can make a difference in a child life. The above picture is of Isaiah before and after. He is the little boy that we are sponsoring in China.

Go Change Shelby's Life. Give 10 dollars, Give 20 dollars. Step up and Do Something!

http://www.lovewithoutboundaries.com/medical_sponsor_child_detail.cfm?child_id=1199&mc_id=101

Ok I'm now off my soap box.

For now...

Picture of Ricky from Chinese New Year Celebration

Adopting a Cleft Child

Some people say cleft lip and palate is a minor need. I cringe when people say minor. To me, minor is more like a club foot - you fix it and then hopefully never have to deal with it.


Personally I think it is a medium need that needs our attention on a weekly / yearly basis. I recently posted everything that is involved with adopting our son Ricky. I thought I'd post it here.



Ricky was adopted at 16 months with a repaired bilateral cleft lip and unrepaired bilateral cleft palate - it went through the gum. Each child is different but this is Ricky's plan....


1. Lip repair - sometimes China does these prior to adoption. Ricky's was done in China

2. Palate Repair - we did this at 19 months old. Basically they take tissue from the side of the mouth and transplant it to the roof. This is how it was basically explained to us. We were in the hospital 2 days - some kids are onlyin overnight. Ricky was able to go back to daycare after 2 weeks home. Our surgeon did not limit his diet - some do to just liquids. Some will also insist the child is off the bottle - again ours did not.

3. Ricky has a short palate so he had a z-plasty done at 28 months. Some doctors do a phalengeal flap. Age wise - ranges from 3-6. Some children mayhave nasal speech despite closure of the palate. Z-plasty may be done to extendthe soft palate and decrease nasal escape of speech sounds. A pharyngeal flapinvolves raising a flap of tissue from the back wall of the throat and attachingit to the soft palate. The flap deflects some of the air that used to leak outthe nose. The purpose of the z-plasty or pharyngeal flap procedures is to decrease thehypernasality and nasal emissions evident in speech. Nasal emission and nasality generally occur because a person can not consistently close the opening between the oral and nasal cavity. In such instances there is air coming out the nosewhen talking rapidly or during conversational speech. Nasality and nasal emission of air can be observed by either plugging up the nose while talking orplacing a mirror under the nostrils underneath the nose. Small amounts of air can either be seen or felt coming out the nose.

4.Fistula repairs - Ricky doesn't have this but thought I'd throw this in...After the palate repair is performed the tissues may heal in such a way thatthere is still an abnormal opening, called a fistula. This opening may allowfood to move from the oral to the nasal cavity when eating. It may also allowmore air to pass out of the nose during speech. If there are problems with either eating or speech the fistula will most likely be closed when another procedure is to be done.

5. Nose job -Ricky has no cartilage on the bottom his nose so they will take cartilage from the ear and transplant it to the nose. There is talk that they will do this now at 3 1/2 years old but I have read about kids at 5-6.

6. Most children have their lip repair redone as they grow. Typically around age 5. We are thinking this will be done sooner than later for us because he has muscles in the lip that need to reattached. He might need it done again later when he is a teenager as well.

7. Ricky will have to have an applicance put in the roof of his mouth(not sure of name) in which we will turn daily in order to re-align the top jaw. His teeth on top form a V with the tip of the V being his front teeth basically. It needs to be more U shape. This will be done before the bone graft.

8. Alveolar bone graft - Alveolar cleft repair is a secondary cleftprocedure performed when there is insufficient bone in the area of the alveolar(gum-line) defect. Surgical repair of the defect involves taking bone marrow from the patient's hip and grafting it into the cleft defect in the boneyridge. This procedure offers several advantages: a. Provides bone support forthe permanent teeth. b. Provides stability of the boney segments of the upperjaw. c. Assists in closing oral/nasal fistulas that may be present. The improved bone support for the permanent teeth will enable the orthodontist to align individualteeth in the cleft area. The increased stability of the boney segments will helpthe prosthodontist to replace any missing teeth. More than likely we will not use the Hip bone but a manufactured product. They are currently testing this and by the time Ricky needs this I expect that thisis the way we will go. Age I guess 7 -9. Depends on when baby teeth are lost.

9. Complete Orthondontic work - braces, dental implants. We believe he will need probably 2 dental implants.

10. Oh yeah ear tubes - we have had 3 sets due to the first two not stayingin. Ear tubes were done at other surgeries except for the last set.

11. Weekly speech appointments (now done at preschool), one a month speech at the local cleft clinic, 6 month hearing tests, quarterly craniofacial exams (hopefully this will go down to once a year).

I don't post this to scare you off a cleft child. Our day to day life isn't impacted. He doesn't take special meds or need special care. Communication with him is affected and he gets frustrated if we cannot understand him. Right now, he is not understandable to most people. His teachers and family understand him.

Finally, all cleft children are different. Some might NOT need what Ricky needs. We did not know how much he would need until we got him home and looked under the hood so to speak.

2 Years with Us

Today is the day that we met Ricky for the first time. Really it was all a blur for me. I think was running on adrenaline. We missed our flight to Hong Kong due to weather so we only had one day in China to prepare. We didn't know how to work our new camera or camcorder. The camera wouldn't take any more pictures because I had it on the wrong setting. Too many pictures not enough space. So I had to erase all the pictures I took on the way to Fuling SWI because I needed pictures of Ricky not the countryside.

Ricky was so much smaller than what we thought he would be. He was 16 1/2 months old but was wearing 9 month clothing. He cried and cried when we met him. We finally pulled out the Cheerios and he became our friend. This was about 10 minutes after meeting him for the first time. He still wasn't happy but at least he wasn't screaming. From what we were told he was moved from foster care to the SWI about a week prior. So he probably went through alot of grieving prior to us getting him.

We had a couple of things surprise us. One - He didn't really grieve - other than that first moment of crying (well more like 10 minutes), he was okay with us. I was expecting alot more grief. I have figured out since then he is a go with the flow type of kid. He reacts okay to change. He does like structure but after a bit - he just goes with it.

Two - He was very very active. He was climbing all over us and seats of the bus on the way back from the orphanage. He wouldn't sit still. This should have been a clue to us! This hasn't changed.

Three - He came to us running. In December we got a report that he was taking a few steps but I really thought China embellished this report. Well this was the one thing that was correct. He was running. Emily and Ricky chased each other in the hallway of the Hotel.

Four - He is a clown. I say that affectionately but this kid likes to make you laugh. It was apparent in China and still is today. Here is my clown then:

and my clown now:

My little baby is growning to a little boy each day. We have grown to love each other. Our love wasn't immediate like some adoptive parents and we had some really huge struggles in attaching to each other (well really me to him). It took Ricky and I over a year (maybe 12-14 months) to bond and it was hard year on me, Bill and Emily. We struggled alot to maintain our family bond.

Our first year home with Ricky represented alot of struggles emotionally. I didn't know if we would survive.

We turned a crucial corner our second year home. We have a lot of laughs, joy and love now in the family. One of my favorite quotes comes from Emily " Who needs TV when we have Ricky".

Emily has taken on the role of big sister quite well and is teaching him all the bad things to do - she says it is her job. She was older than her years before we adopted him but now, she acts like the kid she is suppose to be. Ricky idolizes her and follows her around like a lost puppy. It does get on her nerves at times but that is what little brothers are suppose to do.

Ricky, my son, I love you. There was a time when I didn't think that I would be able to say those words and mean it. But with all my heart, I do. You are a special little boy. I'm very glad that we are your family.

Formula to Fuling SWI

We made a donation to Ricky's Orphanage. Not a huge amount but again a little goes a long way.
Look at all those boxes.
Look at all those bottles.
Look at those cute little babies!

Additional Blog

Come join me as we see how little Isaiah (our sponsored child) grows! I hope through pictures you can see how he changes - with a little bit of money it could change a child's life.

Remember the commericals as kids that Sally Struthers did - saying to donate to save a child. Growing up I always wondered if you donated did that money really go to that organization.

With Love Without Boundaries, the dollars you donate do go to help children in need.

A little goes along way....

With the money I won from my firm's volunteer of the year award, we are sponsoring a baby in China.

It will pay for his lip surgery, 5 months of specialized care in a cleft healing home, and 7 months of foster care.

Meet Isaiah. He is about 7 weeks old and is Henan Province.

Fun at Stone Mountain

One of the great things that has come out of our adoption is meeting other families that have adopted. Last Sunday, we went to Stone Mountain for their Christmas festival with Nic, Tim, and Zubin. We had a great time! I think Ricky has a secret crush on Nicole as he abandons me when we see each other.

The Little Stinker

No I'm not talking about Poop..

I'm talking about Ricky.

Ricky is delayed in some cognition areas mostly due to speech. But we are beginning to make strides in these areas because he is finally starting to talk.

For many months, we have been going over colors.

He can sort his colors. We play with different color army men and he will sort them into different stacks.

I have been trying to teach him Red, Blue, Green, Black, White, Yellow.

He finally got it. I have a set of cards that teach colors. He got them right. At first I thought he was just guessing. So then I pulled out a toy that each bug is a different color. He got them right. I think he knows his colors.

The reason for the stinker - he LOVES to give you the wrong answer just to see what reaction he gets. I asked him what color was my jacket - he said Yellow (it was black). He smirked. I raised my eyebrows. He said Black. Then I said what color is Sissy's jacket. He said like Mama - black.

What a stinker!

He does this all the time with animal sounds. Pigs go meow, dogs go oink oink, cats go moo. He laughs hysterically when he does this.

He also now knows his shapes as well - square, circle, triangle, heart, and star!

Oh yeah, one more thing to make him laugh - for some reason he things the word butt (as in your behind) is funny. You say butt and he laughs till he drops on the floor!

Guardian Angel

I have a small brag about myself. Rarely I brag about myself.

Most of you know I do volunteer work for Love Without Boundaries.
I got an email from an adoption agency - I'm on their list for SN kids that are available. No we are not adopting again.
This email stated that a SN boy age 13 was aging out of the China adoption program. Once you turn 14 you cannot be adopted by Chinese law. Several times this agency tried to find a family. Twice a family said that they would adopt him. Twice it fell through. Now a third family stepped up and gave this boy his dream - a family. They had 4 weeks to complete this adoption. They have to be in China by mid Dec.
This special family was already adopting a SN girl. They got approved for this second adoption.
Except they had no funds to complete this adoption.

I saw he was in our LWB program. Well I sent a email to our medical director who sent an email to LWB board of directors. This family got an LWB grant.

Today I was this boy's guardian angel.

What a feeling.

I can make a difference.

When I started my work with LWB, I wanted to make a difference. My work with LWB is on the admin side - tracking donations. I didn't think I could see the difference I was making.

Well today I saw I can make a difference for children in China.

What a feeling.

My Soccer Star

I will let the pictures speak for themselves. Click on Picture to see it larger.

Book Review - Don't Call Me Mother

About a month ago, I sat down and read Elizabeth Elias's personal memoir "Don't Call Me Mother." Don't Call Me Mother is Elizabeth's personal journey of infertility and adoption of two children - a son from a domestic adoption and a daughter from China.

The first words out of my mouth was "Where was the this book when I needed it." I connected in so many ways to Elizabeth's journey through infertility then then through adoption. It was like I was re-living my journey as I read her words. I thought I was alone. Now I know I'm not. I thank Elizabeth for being so honest in feelings and writing them down for all to see. It is hard to admit to yourself and to others that you do not immediately love your adopted child. There is so much guilt involved over not loving your adopted child immediately.

This book is a must read for all potential adoptive parents. I read so much on the attachment issues of child to parent but this is really the first book that really talked from the heart of attachment issues of the parent to the child.

Thank you Elizabeth for letting me know and others know that we are not alone in this journey.
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Personal Note:

Thankfully I'm past my post-adoption depression/attachment issues but it still haunts me. I wonder what harm I did to both Ricky and Emily during those the rough first year. I love you both very much and I cannot imagine my world, my life without both of them. Also thanks to the most wonderful husband in the world who rode the storm with me and didn't judge me as a I struggled to get through this.

All It Takes Is One Voice....

I don't post much about faith and religion because really I believe it is your own personal choice. How you get to God is your road to travel. That said, I will come out and say that Bill and I are an interfaith couple (Bill is Catholic, and I'm Jewish) raising our kids Jewish. Add the interracial mix of our family and it becomes an interesting road.

I don't know if it is because we live in the South, but I feel the contant pressure of Christianity. It is everywhere. I know some Christians will say we are taking God out of everything but I think everyone including myself needs to face the facts that our country is diverse and we need to try to respect all religions. We can learn from everything.

I have become a little less tolerant this pressure. It bothers me that at Emily's school (a public school) that have a Holiday Program (they don't call it Christmas Program) that they sing Silent Night and O'Bethleham. I think Frosty the Snowman is okay. She read a book last year called the Best Christmas Pagaent Ever which had a lot of references to Jesus in it. I kept my mouth shut.

That said, last year, Emily's elementary school PE teacher tried to start an Early PE Club which would start at 7:30 am. The PE Club was suppose to be an exercise club but if you read the pamphlet you sooned learned that the exercise was only a little part of the club - the rest would be talking about Bible and Character Building. There would be prayer. Whose Prayer, Whose Religion - of course the Teacher's. Let's not forgot the healthy breakfast they were serving - Chicken Biscuits.

My silent objections could not be silent anymore. This was a school club sponsored by a school teacher endorsing one religion over another. I took issue with it. It is against the law to have a school endorsement of prayer. I struggled over if I should say something. I didn't want Emily to be singled. We also feared retribution. But I could not live in fear when I felt that this was so wrong.

So I contacted the Principal who would look into the matter. I was the only one who complained about this club. No surprise there - we are probably one of very few non-chrisitian families. The school hemmed and hawed. Not sure what to do. I ended up getting the Anti-Defamation League involved. They wrote a cease letter to the school superintendent. Eventually it was decided that this club would only be a PE club. The club went on and Emily joined and had a great time.

This year, I waited to see what would happen. There are ways to have a religious club in school - it cannot be teacher involved. And at elementary school, it is really hard to have a club without teacher involvement. Another way would to have a local church sponsor the club before school - they would have to pay rent for the facilities. I wanted to see if this club would start up again.

It has but it is still just a PE Club. I cannot believe that one voice stopped this.

One voice, my voice.

My Little Firefighter

The Vocal Ricky

Ricky is so much more vocal than he was a month ago.
Not that we understand much he says. I take that back.
Bill and I call it Ricky speak. We can understand some thing in context.

His favorite new phrase - Mama Car?
He also asks Is that Mine? Everytime I put something in the shopping cart - he asks is that Mine???

Oh yeah also Hammmmbaga everytime we pass a McDonalds or Burger King. Kid eats out too much!!

You can do It - Help Change a Life of an Orphan!

In January 2008, I adopted my son, Ricky from China. Ricky was born with a cleft lip and palate.

In the United States, this is not considered a life threatening medical need. However, in China, babies die from it due to the inability to feed appropriately and high risk of infection.

Luckily Ricky received lip surgery in China when he was 7 months old (most US children receive this surgery within the first 2 months) and is currently thriving at home with us.

I volunteer for an organization called Love Without Boundaries which provides the most loving and compassionate help possible to orphaned and impoverished children in China. We provide humanitarian aid in five key are as: Education, Foster Care, Healing Homes, Medical and Orphanage Assistance.

Currently there is a baby in need of help. Please consider a small donation (any amount is accepted) to help change the life of this little boy:

http://www.lovewithoutboundaries.com/medical_sponsor_child_detail.cfm?child_id=1002&mc_id=101

To see more on what LWB does please visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bBIEF-j7Jc&feature=channel_page

Moving on Up!

We are moving onto the letter T with Ricky!

He has made so much progress in the last month with his p's and b's that we are now on the T's!!

I'm so proud of him. I cannot imagine how hard it is for him.

Go Ricky!!!!

Long Time Update

Sorry it has been a while since I have updated. Crazy life we now live.

Emily is back at school - 4th grade. She started on July 30th. Total craziness on that date. She also started back at the Liberty Flames Girls Academy Soccer team. She is on the Under 11 team - she is playing up by one year as she is only 9. She is making some real improvements. We have been taking her to extra foot skills practice every Sunday with her Coach. She absolutely loves Soccer and I hope she keeps it up. Yes mommy wants her to have a scholarship to a college - no pressure Em! Just kidding I just want her to love it.

Ricky is still my little tornado in action. He is in this new phase in which Mommy is his sunshine, his everything. I get the best affection from him. He loves me and I can say I love him too. I took us falling in love together.

Remember I had such a hard time attaching to him. There are still moments in which I still wonder who he is. Things are so much better than what they were a year ago. For us adoption was not all sunshine and roses. It was a process and still very much a process I work on.

For those struggling, please take a look at this article - http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=536. She speaks of everything I went through.

Ricky is starting Preschool on Sept 8th at the local elementary school. The is a special education preschool that focuses on speech. Ricky's speech is very slow to come although we think we are starting to see some minor improvement. I hope preschool puts the lightbulb in his head!

I will leave you with some pictures.