Patience

There is no news of referrals for the next group.

Can we just be done with year of 2005 LIDs?


Patience is the ability to endure waiting, delay, or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset, or to persevere calmly when faced with difficulties.

Well I'm failing terribly at Patience when it comes to this adoption. I scour the internet, my yahoo groups, my email for any glimpse of something new but nope. zilch.

I know I'm suppose to live my life and blah blah blah. I am trying.... I guess you can give me that.

Tag - I'm It

ABC Tag game. I still have T to do but here are my answers.

A - available or taken: Taken.

B- best friend: My husband

C- cake or pie: Cake - Chocolate Cake.

D- drink of choice: Diet Coke with a bit of rum when I'm having a stressful day.

E - Essestional Item you use everyday: deodorant

F-favorite color: purple

G-gummy bears or worms: gummy bears

H-hometown: raised in a hicktown called Westtown, NY -- population 500; cow population 1500.

I - Indulgence: Bagels with Lox

J-January or February: January -- Feb is a bad month for the family.

K-kid's names: Patricia or Patrick

L-Life incomplete without: husband and daughter.

M-marriage date: 10/05/1996

N-number of siblings: 3

O-oranges or apples: apples - gala

P- phobias or fears: bugs in general -- hate them.

Q-favorite quote: patience is a virtue (one that I don't have)

R-reason to smile: my daughter

S-season: Fall

T-tag 3 people: I will have to think about it.

U-unknown fact about me: I like to read smutty romance novels.

V - veggie I don't like: Brussel Sprouts.

W-worst habit: surfing the net and my blackberry.

X-xrays: none recently

Y-your favorite food: a good steak and baked potato

Z-zodiac: Cancer

4 Month LID Anniversary

not much more to say.

Putting Things into Perspective

When I need to put things into perspective, I tend to read stories (or in this case a blog) about other people's battles for survival. I find that it helps me put things into perspective about my life and my own troubles. It is a dose of reality that I need to kick myself in the ass and say you know what Jen, it isn't so bad. In the past, I have read about Holocaust survivor stories. I read these with a passion. The ability to survive such a horrible act and come out it still human is amazing. I'm not sure if I would have the strength. It also reminds me what people will do on because you are not the same race or religion. One of the major items, I hope to teach my children is that it doesn't matter what race or religion someone is -- they are person and we respect them. Bill and I are the perfect example how two people of different religions can respect and love each other. With the addition of the new baby, we bring a new mix into the picture. We can love each other no matter what race you are. We have already begun to teach Emily about how her new brother or sister will be of a different skin color and how she won't look like us but it is what is in your heart and how you are as a person that counts.

Back to perspective.....

Somebody sent me this blog of a family battling cancer -- their 6 year old daughter's cancer battle. I have been following their story. When I think I have it rough I remember Maria. No family especially no child should go through this.

http://prayersformaria.com/

There are a couple of videos on the right that pretty much summarize her journey. Please think about Maria when you think you have a bad day or things are not going right. It puts things into persective.

Finally, I'm not sure why but today I have been thinking alot about my mother-in-law, Pat, who we lost to breast cancer almost 6 years ago. Pat was in her early 50's when she died. Her life was just too short, I miss her very much. She didn't get to know Emily. Emily was 7 months old when Pat died. Pat would have loved Emily at this age. I truly believe Pat held onto life to see Emily be born. Our new baby will be named after Pat -- Tricia or Patrick. I hope that her spirit lives on in them.

Jen

Oh Where to Begin.....

Typically when there is a show on China on the television, we tend to watch or videotape it. It is our way of educating ourselves. When there is a show on Chinese Adoption, again we tend to watch them -- maybe we will find out something we don't know. Well on Friday night, Bill and I watched Paula Zahn's NOW show on Chinese Adoption. We did find out some new things - it is great when we can educate ourselves. This is what we found out:

1) We are racists.

2) We are adopting from China because Chinese babies are smarter, cuter, healthier than American babies.

3) That we are racists (Oh yeah did I say that)

4) American's are obsessed with China Dolls.

For those who didn't get the glorious chance to watch the show. Click on the following link for a transcript: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0701/05/pzn.01.html.

The panel implied that people that adopt from China do not adopt african-american babies because we like the skin color of our China Dolls better. By the way the use of the word China Doll insinuates that Asian women are hypersexual, submissive, "exotic", feminine, and eager to please white males. They said that we do not adopt african-american babies because we don't see them as smart or as hardworking as our Chinese children.

If you look back to one of my first posts on Why China? -- we clearly explain that we want a baby, no mention of a cute or smart child was made. We looked at our domestic options. Honestly, we didn't like what we saw. First, Bill and I are of mixed faith -- a complication for most "Christian" agencies. Second, we did want to be in competition with other adoptive families. Yes, it is a competition on who the birthmother is going to pick. A marketing campaign on why Bill and I would make great parents to another child. Frankly, I have had enough beauty pagent competitions in high school to last me a lifetime. I don't want to be judged on looks or how much money we have. Judge me on me. Third, we wanted a closed adoption. Frankly, the US adoption system is more and more open. Fourth, the risk -- yes there is a risk with international, but I don't want to be matched with a birthmother then find out that she has changed her mind. I have met family after family through our adoption process in which they have had failed domestic adoptions take place. Domestic Adoption advocates say it doesn't happen -- well I have heard enough from families in which it has.

If someone would just give us a baby, I wouldn't care if the baby was green, blue, white, yellow or black.

Back to the show...

This show was suppose to be about the new regulations around the Chinese adoption. It turned out to be a forum for 3 panelists that a specific agenda. The fact the Paula Zahn was responsible for putting together this show (or at least her producers), shows that she is a farce as a journalist.

The attorney that was on the show was Solangel Maldonado. She is a professor at Seton Hall and has written a paper on Discouraging Racial Preferences in Adoption. In this paper she surmises all my reasons that I stated above are a bunch of bull and I have an unconscious bias towards white or asian children because I don't want a african american child. Heck, if Ethiopia was just a bit more stable, we would have gone there. She goes on to state that there should be a law that prohobits people from applying for an international adoption until they have waited a full year for a domestic adoption to take place -- in a particular where they have shown they have waited for an african american baby. Freaking unbelieveable.

Ok -- I do believe some people do look for white babies but get real to lump all chinese adoptive parents into this mix is a joke. Heck, I live in the South, raising my child Jewish -- not an easy thing. We will be the object of attention when we adopt a chinese baby. We would the be same object of attention if we were to adopt an african american baby. I could have taken the easy way out and raised Emily Catholic like her dad or adopt a white baby -- but no, easy isn't always right.

I'm getting all riled up again...as is the entire Chinese adoptive community. The boards have been on a letter writing campaign. I certainly hope CNN takes notice and issues a statement in regards to this show.

The real question is why are Americans looking for babies outside of America? Perhaps a show on the failures of the US Adoption Laws and US social services is the true reasons.

Jen

my other children

We also have two dogs that I consider my babies...

Shelby the Sheltie is my old lady. My dh bought her for me for our first valentine's day together (just 4 months after we met). She is now over 12 years old. This picture is old but it is one of my favorite pictures.

Shelby playing dress up!

Here is the Stitch our pug. She has a personality of a clown. She is 2 1/2 now. If you now the movie Lilo and Stitch, Stitch was named after that character by Emily. Well much to our chagrin, the name fits her.

Referrals are in...Whooppee

Ok I know I need to improve my attitude.

This represents about 2 weeks of LIDs I guess.

no speed up...

Happy Birthday to one Wicked Witch! Happy Birthday Nic!

Happy New Year and The Wait

Well as we welcome the new year, we have to be a bit more realistic about the wait. I continue to hope that things speed up but I do not see any signs to this.

Recently, the CCAA (the dept that handles adoptions in china) announced new regulations for China. This has been all over the news. See Rumor Queen link for full regulations. Are we affected by them. Well our agency says since we are logged in already, they say we are okay. Are we really? I'm not sure, I hope so. We (both Bill and I ) have started our weight loss plan. One of the new restrictions is over BMI. I'm over the BMI -- just a bit. I'm hoping I can loose the weight before we are reviewed. If China has a problem with us, they will notify us for updated medical. I figure we have at least 6 months before we are reviewed. So in case they ask, we will have our ducks in a row.

Also, regarding the wait. On the Rumor Queen link she posted a calculation to figure out how far away we are from referral. We are basically 348 LID dates away. It has taken 2.3 months to get through a month of dates. 348 x 2.3 / 30 days = 26 months from referral. That is from TODAY. So given this, referral won't occur until 2009. Yes 2009. I'm sick to my stomach about that. I knew this would be a long process but I didn't figure 2009. I thought I was informed. I researched, I searched, I read. I was informed as I thought I could be. I typically don't things half-assed. Well, now I feel like I knew nothing. They have only referred 6 months of dates for the past 15 months. I didn't know that. Our agency didn't tell us. Do I think they lied to us....well they quoted us what the recent referral time was and told us it could change. We were quoted 14-16 months of waiting. We were so excited about the possiblity of new baby, that you sort of ignore the bad news and think only of the good. It has never been this slow before. Bill wants to be optimistic about the wait saying things will speed up. I think he only says that to keep me sane.

I still believe China is the right choice for us. What are alternatives?

1. Domestic Adoption? I'm really not up for our own adoption system here in the US. It is way to open for me. [note, it might be right for others but not for me]. I also couldn't take the heart ache of a possible birthmother changing her mind.
2. Foster Care -- we have talked about this as well. again, i'm not sure I could handle loving a child only to have to give the child back. [again, this is right for some, but not for me]
3. Infertility Treatment -- go back to trying again. Well I just gave up my insurance which covered infertility treatment 100 percent. I would need some major surgery to possibly fix the problem. If i have the surgery and it doesn't work -- they I'm knocked out of china because you cannot have major surgery. The surgery they want to do is not a guarantee of fertility.
4. Another country -- Vietnam and Ethiopia are the ones I would be interested in but I'm not convinced it is the right move.

so for now we wait........and wait......and wait....